Once again this week I was reminded that many aspects of my life I simply cannot control. My treatment was due to start in 2 days time, but last Thursday I received a simple cell phone message apologizing for another week’s delay. I was devastated to say the least and gravely concerned about the impact that this delay would have on all our family’s plans. As disappointment made way for general groans and new plans, I was reminded by a work colleague that you do not mess with God’s plans and His timing. I promptly picked my lip up off the ground and realized that our lives are indeed controlled by a gracious and powerful Upper Hand.
Many different thoughts raced through my mind as I hastily tried to analyze the situation and make some sense of the cause of this new delay…. Had the hospital indeed run out of chemotherapy medication as had been reported on the news the previous night or was it really true that the simulator machine that would be the deliverer of my radiation was not ready for me yet, as the kind doctor had reported? Perhaps this is truly for my own protection….. perhaps someone else needs the chemotherapy more than I do this week, someone who has already started treatment and needs my bag of medicine to beat the heck out of their invader cells…… perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…. Eventually I gracefully surrendered to the fact that life is life and that I might never really get to the bottom of the reason for this delay in my present situation.
Finally and with a dollop of peace, I started thinking about other perfect timings in our lives. As a photographer I am acutely aware of perfect timing when trying to capture a faultless shot. In photography timing is everything! Being at the right place at the perfect time to capture bees in a beautiful rose or an autumn leaf momentarily trapped in a drain cover – these well timed shots epitomize perfect photography! I have often wanted to slap myself for slow reaction times to a bride’s expression or a toddler’s cheeky smile, but my own regret will never reinvent that split second moment again. I have had to learn to let go and forgive myself for a wasted instant in the framework of my life and others.
My landlady’s son has the envious position of working on film sets in Cape Town and knowing my absolute fascination for the film industry, she often relays some of his experiences to me. So much more is entailed in the production of a movie than we ever realize and this industry that entertains us and provokes thoughts and emotions is totally controlled by its own parameters of perfect timing. Ideal lighting and locations often dictate to crews being ready to film at unearthly hours of the day and night to capture a faultless scene. To this particular environment, timing simply has to be perfect.
As my present journey involves doctors, medical technicians and precise treatments, I am totally aware of delays due to human error and a slim regard for urgency at times. Now though, I am left wondering if all these scenarios don’t just melt into a mixture of perfect timings no matter how much resistance we offer to our situations. I am learning to be extremely patient; to be much more tolerant to the plight of others in my new found circles and accepting with a fresh gift of graciousness, all the unexpected love and support of those around me… oh my goodness I am extremely blessed and the timing in my life right now is truly perfect.
Until next week……