Oh my goodness, what a week! No one else’s testimony to fighting these dreaded cells could have prepared me for my own walk these past few days. I approached last Wednesday with certain trepidation and bravely faced all those bags filled with various medications to finally start my healing journey. My one real fear was that the nurse would not be able to find a decent vein anywhere, as he had jokingly commented the previous time, when blood samples needed to be drawn, that I must have sold my veins to the highest bidder! I really do have veins, but they are usually hidden somewhere and causes me much anxiety when I need to have any blood taken.
Thankfully this time around, the veins in my hand proved to be absolutely suitable for all those bags that needed to pass through my body. First there was a liter of potassium and magnesium mixture to prevent cramping during treatment; followed by 250ml of anti-nausea medicine and a second 250ml of medication that I honestly cannot remember anymore. Following hot on the heels of all of this was ‘the bag’ of another liter of the dreaded chemotherapy. This very unsuspicious looking liquid was the pre-amble to five days of absolute wretchedness. Oh yes, and finally another 250ml of a diuretic, which caused its own set of anxiety to get home in time…..
Accompanying all those bags, were five radiation sessions, compelling me to sleep my life away and unceremoniously forcing normality to slip into oblivion. I am so grateful to those who have nursed me and cushioned me this week, simply allowing me to listen to my body and surrender to all these alien invasions.
My realization these past few days once again proved to be another reminder that very often we are not properly prepared for what lies ahead. I have mentioned over the past few months that my situation is a mountain that I need to climb for my growth and purpose and as much as I have wished that a gap would appear in it, the path is over and down on the other side……My second realization is that even within my own often very unpleasant situation, I have so much to be grateful for. I have witnessed in hospital passages and waiting rooms, the sheer sadness and pain of others that is far worse than mine. We often flippantly jest about choosing our own life’s package again, if given the choice. This is so true….
As ‘those bags’ were a reminder to me that healing medicine doesn’t always taste so good, sometimes it’s necessary to get us back onto a healthier and happier course for our lives.
Until we chat again……